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Self Sabotaging

We all have issues and struggles. Some hardships are just part of life and out of our control. Some of our pains are accidents, a bad diagnosis or caused by someone else. However majority of our problems are self inflicted. Often we know exactly what we are doing and how to stop it yet we choose not to.

Why? Why do we repeat the same mistake over and over.

Look at addiction sure addiction is a disease chemically and mentally however there are moments of clarity when you’re sober yet you choose to push the needle in your arm. Why? It’s not because of the drugs, it’s because your running from something or trying to numb something.

You may be morbidly obese and you know you need to lose weight, you know if you did you’d feel better and a lot of your issues would go away. Yet when you’re hungry you continue to eat those double cheeseburgers at the drive thru versus eating a salad. We self medicate and self destruct.

You struggle with money. You suck at saving, paying bills and a dollar burns a hole in your pocket. You know how to fix it yet you choose to spend, you choose to settle in a low paying job, you choose to repeat the same mistakes over and over. Constantly robbing Peter to pay Paul. Why? We try to silence our guilt, quiet our sadness, shield our heartache.

You’re in a abusive relationship, the first time he hit you, you gave him a free pass. “He’s trying”,” he promised”, “it was my fault” are the excuses you make, yet it continues. You continue to allow it, you know what you have to do yet you stay. Why? We don’t want to face our feelings, don’t want to remember our past, or take accountability, we procrastinate and put it off one more day.

We continue to self sabotage our life because we believe the crap we’ve been told all our life, we sabotage because we don’t value ourselves, we can’t see our worth, our ego is broken. It’s a endless cycle if we can’t heal our soul. In order for things to change there must be change. People say things like it will get better, that’s bull shit it won’t, if you don’t.

If you keep dancing with the devil you will get burned. What is it going to take to hit your rock bottom and change? When will the pain be bad enough that you actually do what you need to do to get out of the funk your in. When will enough be enough? The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome. Nothing is going to change until you do. One day that next fix will be your last, one day your car will be repossessed or you’ll get evicted, one day he’s going to beat you so bad you may not wake up, one day you’ll have major heart attack from blocked arteries.

Decide today you want more you, want better, that you actually deserve to live a happy healthy life and start doing the damn thing. Stop settling, stop self medicating, stop numbing your feelings. Do what you need to do. It won’t happen over night but you can start taking baby steps in the right direction. Drink water instead of Pepsi, put your lose change in a jar, work with the debt collectors and pay $10 a month, go to rehab or check yourself into a hospital, reach out to friends and family and see if you can live with them and get out of the abusive situation. Baby steps and self love. Be the change you want to see. Stop self sabotaging

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