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To figure out who you are you must find out who you’re not

Look back throughout your life, how many jobs have you had? You may have been a cashier, a hostess, a waiter, a laborer, worked in a factory, been a nanny, a housekeeper, worked at a bank, door dashed, or worked retail. You may have tried a work from home gig, or tried to start your own business. You may have went to college and gotten degrees in nursing or computer design. You try all sorts of things to make money and make end meet but ultimately you’re searching for your passion, your purpose, your career, your calling. You have to see and try different things to figure out what you truly want to be and part of that, is figuring out what you don’t want to do. You keep trying things until you find something that resonates with you, until you feel rewarded by your work, doing things you enjoy.

In order to figure out what you like you have to figure out what you don’t like. You try all sorts of food, meats, cheeses, breads, pastas, vegetables and fruits. You quickly learn what you like vs what you don’t like. You listen to different music until you have a genre you favor or favorite artist and songs to create your ultimate playlist. You meet thousands of people throughout your life but you only keep a small amount as actual friends, you date numerous people before you find the one. You try different hobbies and sports before you figure out what you like and what your good at.

The whole point of living is learning. You’re constantly weeding through the mix to find who and what you truly are but you must first find what you’re not. This is in all aspects of your life. You must be willing to try different things, quit things that don’t feel right, be willing to cut people out that don’t belong, don’t settle, stand your ground, be your own advocate and live your best life, authentically you.

Don’t stay at a job that you find no joy in, that keeps you stressed, that’s not rewarding find one that brings you happiness, that’s more aligned with your passion. Don’t stay with your girlfriend just because she’s a good person and you don’t want to hurt her, if there’s no spark no deeper connection let her go gracefully and find your soulmate. Don’t continue to play the piano if you truly want to play the guitar, don’t feel like you have to listen to rap if you really resonate with jazz. Don’t try to wear heels and a dress if your most comfortable in jeans and boots. Too often we dim our own light living our life for everyone else, too scared to hurt people’s feelings, too scared of being judged, too worried about what others think. We put ourself last and wonder why we’re not happy, why we’re not satisfied, why there’s a hole in our love cup and often it’s self inflicted because our feelings, thoughts, needs and desires never got voice, never mattered and we sacrifice ourselves for others at our own expense. Stop trying to fit yourself into certain boxes. Be you, be courageous, be bold, be strong and be brave. Figure out who you are by figuring out who you are not.

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